Adventures galore

O'boy have I been on some adventures lately.
Both in my physical life and in my ED-IVF life!
Two weeks ago we went to Madrid, Spain for a little mini-vacation. We should have known something should go wrong when we came to the airport and most flights where cancelled and out of the rest most where delayed, like our flight.
This darn ash cloud coming from the Icelandic volcano almost grounded our flight too. The Stockholm airport closed about the same time we landed in Madrid and it remained closed for several days.
The end result was that we got stuck in Madrid and all other transportation options, which were slim pickings to begin with, filled up very quickly.

We came on a Thursday and were supposed to go home Sunday the same week. I was supposed to take an injection with medicine to down regulate me - to suppress my own cycle. This injection was left at home, because while packing the Tuesday and Wednesday before there were no indications of this airline snafu!
So, after som major circus moves and angry, disappointed hours, we finally figured out that since we were in Spain most medications are sold over-the-counter, w/o prescriptions... Anywho as soon as that problem was solved, we focused on finding transportation home, something that would take us home no matter what. Our airline tickets were re-booked for the next-coming Friday, but it was in no way a sure thing that the plane would take off and what policy the airline was going to adopt!
With the help of my close friends and some of our family members back in Sweden we got hold of other stranded people and it was decided as many as we could find would go to the Swedish Embassy the next day and see what possible assistance they could give us.
I had decided to let others have a go at arranging our common journey home, but after a little while of a lot of talk but no action, I couldn't help myself and called the most interesting lead for arranging a bus to come to Madrid and take us home.

To make a long story short, what started with a couple of mini vans coming to pick us up in Madrid ended up a full-grown double-decker bus. What probably made nobody interested in being in charge was the shear number of potential people calling and wanting to go with. The embassy finally accepted some responsibility and agreed to handle the list of names for the ride!
The person at the embassy that we had the most contact with Eva, had thought about our situation with medications and suggested we just pop in at a pharmacy and ask for the stuff we needed. She even offered to come with and translate, since neither of us speak any Spanish to speak of, but another of the stranded people came with and helped me out!

When we finally came home, after a 50+ hour ride on a bus w/ an unusable on-board toilet (first because it was full and disgustingly dirty, and after emptying it at the Spain-France border just dirty and yucky).
The bus ride in itself was an adventure that I'm too lazy to recap this late afterward. Maybe if I'd had internet access during the bus ride I could have commented all things live, but alas...

The next adventure was more of an emotional roller coaster than anything else. After taking the down-regulating injection on the scheduled day, I got my period only about a week after - last time it was two - and at the ultrasound exam a couple of days later a cyst was discovered on the same ovary as before only this time it was almost twice as big as the last time. After some disagreement between my two doctors regarding what to do next, I took a blood test (Estradiol/E2 or in Swedish Östradiol) to find out whether I was down-regulated or not. If I wasn't the whole treatment was in jeopardy!
As it turns out I am down-regulated and the treatment is going ahead as planned!

I am so sick of thinking about all this and so sick of the side effects - like being emotional, so emotional that I start crying at the drop of a hat! I also dislike feeling nauseous - like when I was pregnant only it's worse now...

I hope this all goes well, at least it has been proven that I CAN get pregnant, I hope there are no more hurdles for us to go over...

Back on track

Finally we have our "marching orders"! ET is scheduled to May 19 or 20, probably 20, and the road there will be looong and filled with timers and pills… worst of all is the fat-needled injection to down-regulate my body on April 19.
I'm waiting for myself to get as excited about the treatment as I was last time, excited enough that I don't care about the 'heavy lifting!'

Alas, that may or may not happen, clouds are gathering on the family horizon. My aunt has been taken to the hospital. I have shut her out of my life just because I'm not strong enough to deal with her problems along side my own. She has refused any kind of help, she's too proud to accept help, this has made me even more negative towards her. I have not expressed this to her, instead I have just not been in touch!
These last couple of days I have been thinking about writing her a letter to explain how I feel to her, but since she was admitted confused and dazed, I will hold off on that.
In my family we don't have any practice at what to do when things like this happens, our contact and feelings for our extended family is impersonal. We don't dash off to the hospital and sit by the bedside like they do in movies and tv series. It just feels backwards and wrong - I don't want to call the hospital and I can't leave it be either.

My brother is handling the initial contact with hospital and social services - thank God for that! I just can't do this!

This will have to do, I'm publishing it w/o a read through so bare with me!
Thanks for listening --

Already feeling it

It as in crabby and irritated. I feel it as a gnawing pit in my stomach, with a touch of anxiety! If I didn't know better I'd say I was depressed, but just right now and it may be over in a few moments.
On my morning dog walk I reacted badly to people with strollers, not on the outside just on the inside! Sad, huh?!

Now, what I'm going through is nothing to what my friend, Circus Princess, is going through! CP - I sure hope things work out and soon. I would hate to be in your shoes!

In this writing instant, I don't feel so great - I just want to crawl under the covers and come out when I feel better… Or, maybe I shouldn't have written and published this at all, but then what is this blog good for!?

I suppose the format of my blog is changing…

At last

At last it's here! I have never been so pleased to get my period. Not even my last one, which was the first one after the m/c.
This morning I started on the estrogen pills. Still not sure what the entire treatment will look like, but hopefully the doctor will share that now.

This will be a very brief update, but one filled with some hope!

Until later.
Tjing -