Back on track

Finally we have our "marching orders"! ET is scheduled to May 19 or 20, probably 20, and the road there will be looong and filled with timers and pills… worst of all is the fat-needled injection to down-regulate my body on April 19.
I'm waiting for myself to get as excited about the treatment as I was last time, excited enough that I don't care about the 'heavy lifting!'

Alas, that may or may not happen, clouds are gathering on the family horizon. My aunt has been taken to the hospital. I have shut her out of my life just because I'm not strong enough to deal with her problems along side my own. She has refused any kind of help, she's too proud to accept help, this has made me even more negative towards her. I have not expressed this to her, instead I have just not been in touch!
These last couple of days I have been thinking about writing her a letter to explain how I feel to her, but since she was admitted confused and dazed, I will hold off on that.
In my family we don't have any practice at what to do when things like this happens, our contact and feelings for our extended family is impersonal. We don't dash off to the hospital and sit by the bedside like they do in movies and tv series. It just feels backwards and wrong - I don't want to call the hospital and I can't leave it be either.

My brother is handling the initial contact with hospital and social services - thank God for that! I just can't do this!

This will have to do, I'm publishing it w/o a read through so bare with me!
Thanks for listening --